* Living with Guido

Quick post tonight.  It's late.  The power has been off since late afternoon.  I was so hot, Habibi and I went up on the roof to nap til the power came on.  It was incredibly beautiful.  If I had a day bed, I would definitely be able to sleep on my roof on these kinds of nights.

A little update on what's going on here with my house.  I had a preliminary meeting today.  I am very hopeful things can be worked out without lawyers being involved.  The cost could actually bankrupt me and it could go on for years.  I have chosen to follow my intuition which says to approach it personally, with much respect.  Pay attention, have a clear knowing what I need and work it out.  The house situation itself is going to be OK I think.  With any luck I will have access later this week.  I will keep you up to date on that one.  After all, this is Mexico.  I am learning ... it's like the wild west ... anything can happen.

I have lost quite a chunk of money.  Again, I am approaching it one on one.  A long drawn out law suit with lawyers involved would not be beneficial to either party.  We could both end up penniless.  What's the point in that.   With a personal approach I think there will be more chance of it working.  An agreement will have to be drawn up by a lawyer - however, again, I am hopeful I will get my money back over a period of time.

And ... you know what?  It is only money.  I cannot take any of the green stuff with me.  I am not ill.  THAT would be a problem.  Those I love are fine.  No disaster has occurred.  I actually think I'm pretty lucky it is 'only' a money issue.  The best news is I am pretty sure at this stage of the game I will get my house back.  I'll keep you posted.

So lets talk about Guido.  Guido lives on my terrace.  We chat through the screen doors.  We've had a long conversation and have reached an agreement.  Guido stays on my terrace and does his work. (mostly keeping the bug population at bay and gobbling down the crickets if they are eating the plants.)  I stay in my room and do whatever it is that I do.  We are slowly adjusting to each other.  These things take time.  When I lived in the Caymans I didn't sleep for the first 3 nights.  After 3 nights of sleep deprivation one realizes one has to come to terms so one can keep ones sanity.  (Don't you just love talking like the Queen?)  In case your interest is peaked and you are wondering what I am talking about - it is geckos.  Guido and I are slowly approaching friendship - Guido from his side of the screen, I from mine.

His little feet are kind of fascinating.  Not fascinating enough to let him inside though!

"Life's up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want."
Marsha Sinetar

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are."
Bernice Johnson Reagon

* The Dancer

Today I walked over to Wendy's.  We painted the afternoon away.  I worked on 'The Dancer'.  It kept me calm and my spirits high.  Creativity is such a wonderful thing.  No wonder they say "Art Saves Lives".
She is coming along.  I drew her hands in today.  I find they are too detailed.  I want them to be simple like the rest of her.  How to do that?  Not sure yet.  Here she is ....

On keeping the 'issues' I am having with Quinta de Luz in perspective.

"If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience."

A woman practices the art of adventure when she heroically faces up to life; When she has the daring to open doors to new experiences and to step boldly forth to explore strange horizons. When she is unafraid of new ideas, new theories and new philosophies. When she has the curiosity to experiment--to test and try new ways of living and thinking. When s he has the flexibility to adjust and adapt himself to the changing patterns of life. When she refuses to seek safe places and easy tasks and has, instead, the courage to wrestle with the toughest problems. When she has the moral stamina to be steadfast in the support of those women in whom she has faith and those causes in which she believes. When she breaks the chain of routine and renews her life through reading new books, traveling to new places, making new friends, taking up new hobbies and adopting new viewpoints. When she has the nerve to move out of life's shallows and venture forth into the deep. When she keeps her heart young, her expectations high and never allows her dreams to die. When she concludes that a rut is only another name for the grave and that the only way to stay out of the ruts is by living adventurously and staying vitally alive every day of her life.

Wilfred A. Peterson

Robert Fulghum (1937 -)

* Update

I know many of you are concerned about me.  I have had e-mails and phone calls.  Thank you.  I feel less alone.  I cannot go into the details as yet.  I don't really know what has happened, although I have strong suspicions.  I must be very careful what I say on this blog as it could be held against me in a Mexican court of law.  I can tell you I am locked out of my house.  I can tell you it is the seller who has locked me out.  I suspect he has not been paid by the real estate company.  In Mexico, if this happens, I am responsible to pay the seller (again).  I say again, because I have obviously already paid the real estate company.   There are no regulations like we have in the rest of North  Amercia.  It is a free for all.  I knew that.  I thought I had everything covered.  NOT!  Yes, I am frightened.  Yes, I am going to be OK.  Yes, I am asking the Universe for guidance.  I am on the path.  It is an opportunity for me to practice, although I would rather have skipped this one, thank you.  I so appreciate your support.  Please bear with me.  It will mean a lot to know you are 'just there'.

I felt an art class would be good for me today.  It would get my mind off everything.  I spent a couple of hours with Nina . . in silence .. painting totally from my intuition.  I was totally 'in the zone', in process.  First shapes appeared in different colours, then form, then a woman dancing.  This is what appeared before me.  It is not finished, however, what came through me was a surprise.

Allow me to explain a little about intuitive painting. Everything and anything is possible.  There are no rules.  First thought is used.  Whatever your first thought is when you pick up the brush ... you do it.  It it says use pink, you use pink.  It it says draw a circle in yellow, you do it.  Soon you are in a zone far away from everything including your surroundings.  You are following instructions from who knows where.  It's incredible.  Today I ended up with 'The dancer'.  Here she is.

This is intuitive painting.  You do the painting, then you 'read' it.  I would say this.  She has many hearts.  They are all weeping blood.  She has been betrayed.  Her eyes also cry tears formed into hearts. Her tears are blood, and indeed she is standing in a pool of blood.  Her insides are exposed.  She feels vulnerable.  She has given so much of herself away, half of her is empty.  She feels 'contained' ... like she is in too small a space.  She wants to 'break out', 'be free', burst all her boundaries.  Because she is not depressed anymore and cannot sleep to shut out the world.  She has chosen to move her body, to try and dance.   It's arduous work. She moves slowly in a way she hopes will comfort her.  It's not very comfortable, because the space she is allowed by society to dance in is not very big.  She feels like an explosion is about to occur.  She may burst the banks like a flooding river.  She may blow her top like a volcano.  All she knows is she must have more space to express.  Interesting she is wearing ballet slippers.  I don't know what that means.  She stands in a pool of her own blood from giving away her life force.  It's time to take it back.  Her heart is broken and bleeding.  I would say all the hearts represent that she is 'all heart'.  Passionate, open, trusting and in love with life.  This makes her vulnerable to be taken advantage of.  She is conscious of this and does everything she knows how to protect herself.  I would say the ribs represent self protection.  Oddly enough she only has eight.  Perhaps she needs to grow more to be completely protected.  The Universe says it is not enough.  It is telling her she must be more aware.   Unfortunate circumstances are taking place involving her learning process on the path.  Another opportunity to practice what she has already learned.  She feels very very sad.  She feels betrayed by those she trusted.  Again.  She begs the Universe.  'Please don't take away my ability to trust the Human Race. I honestly don't know it I can bear it!"

A couple of photographs of Silvia's Calla Lily.  Growing in my fountain on the terrace.  It gives me peace.  It is exquisite.

Flowers seem intended for the solace of ordinary humanity.  ~John Ruskin

* On Learning and Trusting

It's interesting I mentioned 'trusting' the Universe in my blog yesterday.  Today, some very unsettling events have occurred in my life.  Nothing is 'for sure' as yet.  Every intuitive bone in my body tells me something is terrible wrong.  I will know within the next few days.  If, indeed, these events have occurred I pray for grace to accept them.  When I made these choices, I made them with an open and knowing mind.  I weighed the risks involved and was aware of the rewards.  Should my decisions have indeed gone 'sideways' I pray for the grace to acknowledge I did my very best.  I made them in good faith.  I pray I will not 'beat myself to death'.  I pray I will not say 'Look what a mess you have gotten yourself into this time!'  I pray I will process it and move forward quickly.  I pray it will open another door which I have not been aware of.   Most of all I pray my intuition is totally wrong! I pray I did not misjudge character. I always say there are no 'mistakes', only learning.  Harder to believe when it's me who is 'learning'.  Interesting when these situations occur.  It forces me to practice my beliefs.  It pushes my limits on the path I have chosen to take.  My awareness makes me responsible.  I am now able to 'balance my life and keep my equilibrium.  I used to go to bed.  It's no longer possible.  I now know how to care for myself.  My practice in the past has been to beat myself up and be very harsh with my soul.  Now I know better.  I can no longer act that way.  In the past I would go into denial.  Now I know how to face the truth and deal with it.  I am able to make conscious choices when it comes to what reactions I choose.  I no longer act with blindness. I no longer allow my emotions to rule.  I am consciously aware of how I feel and can adjust my sails into the wind.  I have learned to detach.  I am no longer personally involved.  The Universe is asking me to practice my beliefs.  A challenge sometimes.  Please hold me in your consciousness for a little while.  It would be comforting.

I walked to de Luz today to OK the bathroom tiles, their layout and look at building a bench at the end of the shower.  In my older age I may want to 'sit awhile'.   The fireplace is finished.  It must cure.  It will then be painted.   I had a little mantel built on for candles etc.

  The tiles are being cleaned.  They will be antiqued and sealed with a semi gloss sealer.

My walk to the house, as usual was lovely.  Some more shots.

I find this little blue house, with its graceful arches, so attractive.

Another of my favorites.  The canterra stone trim around the door is exquisit with the old door and masonry work.  The bougainvillea adds a final touch of class.

"So go ahead and make mistakes.
Make all you can.
Because that's where you will find success.
On the far side of failure."
Thomas J. Watson, Sr.

* I've been thinking ....

Reading my blogging friends writings has got me thinking deeply about life.  So many of you are so active, so creative, so .... putting yourselves out there.  You all amaze me.  You all inspire me.  You are all courageous and oh so gutsy!  One of you is 'growing a career', living in a very spiritual way, while moving and taking care of your family.  Another is 'asking' for a child while creating special projects each week.  An outspoken activist with incredible ideas for making things better ... dealing with the day to day issues of her religion, marriage, children, family, and the loss of a treasured baby.  Still one more being of spirit bubbling over with creativity through photography, writing, holding retreats and now hospice training.  A healer living a spiritual, creative, life in Taiwan.

What am I doing with my life?  Better still, what am I not doing with my life.  I have lived with fear for so long and it was very debilitating.  Most of that has dissipated thanks to much hard work.  I am left with the question.  How do I want to USE my life?  How do I want to LIVE my life?  What is left inside me that I want to 'put out there'!

I absolutely KNOW I want to live my life 'on purpose'.   Each day I try to live each moment deliberately and with consciousness.  I think action with purpose in every small thing we do is where it all begins.  Walking with purpose.  Enjoying the walk and being aware of our surroundings.  Seeing, listening, hearing, smelling and touching.  Eating my food with purpose.  Shopping for that food with purpose.  Meeting my friends with purpose ... hearing what they say ... truly being present to listen and understand their lives.  Expecting the same in return.  Being selective about who I surround myself with.  It's important for me to allow genuine, loving, true, honest, high energy into my surroundings.  I've lost my patience with those who don't 'get it'.  I can no longer be a 'fixer', nor do I any longer want to try and fix someone else.  I need to concentrate on myself.  The way I look at it is this:  If I am not at my best, how can I be of use to others and to the world.  It all starts with taking care of me.  To some of you that may sound selfish.  I have learned it definitely is not!

I digress.  So .... what music is still inside me that needs to be expressed.  SOOOO MUCH!  Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode.  I feel unfocused and don't seem to have the knowledge of what to do next.  Sometimes I don't really know what needs to come out -- I only know 'something' is in there which is making me feel 'full' and explosive.   I am asking the Universe to guide me.  I have art I want to 'put out there'.  I have writing I want to 'put out there'.  Let's just say it like it is.  I want to 'hang in a gallery' and 'be published'.  I want my words and my art to somehow intertwine and go out into this world as a couple.  How does that work?  I don't have a clue.  I only know it's in me, and somehow, I must express it.  Somehow I must KNOW it will happen.  I must trust when the circumstances are right, everything I need to proceed will be there and it will all show up precisely when it is needed. It's about acting on my ideas.  It's about intention.  It's again about baby steps.

What are my plans?  I'm now quite sure.  Things are not clear to me yet.  I do have a knowing deep down somewhere, Mexico has an important place in this.  I do know Quinta de Luz must be finished first and I must be settled and comfortable.  I do know I want to study art with Nina and work hard for some period of time.  I do know I want to continue my writing.  More than that ... I do not know.  It will evolve.  I love surprises.  First of all intention.  I intend to put my art and writing out as a couple.  Next ... act on it.  Do not be concerned about the outcome.  These are my immediate thoughts.  Beyond that as I said, I do not know.

Life is such a mystery.  Don't you just love it?

Some scenes on my morning walk to de Luz

 

"Live with intention.  Walk to the edge.  Listen hard.  Practice wellness.  Play with abandon.  Laugh.  Choose with no regret.  Appreciate your friends.  Continue to learn.  Do what you love.  Live life as if this is all there is."  ~  Mary Anne Radmacher

"Begin each day as if it were on purpose"  ~  May Anne Radmacher

 

* A "Mean" Margarita ...

Spent another incredible evening on the terrace.  Good food, (fish rolled in chopped oatmeal and breadcrumbs, rice, mango salad, black chocolate) good wine and 'mean' margarita's!  Sylvia knows how to make them.  I only had one.  I am still slurring my words.  I am off to bed.

Spent some time in Centro today. A couple of photos to keep you interested.  Both great subjects for a painting.

Nite nite.  Have a meeting at de Luz 9:30 AM.   A few things to ponder. 

[The void] It's that place in our lives where what we've been hanging onto . . . clinging to for dear life . . . is stripped away. It's that place in us where we let go of what we know, what we think we know, and what we want and surrender to the unknown. It is the place of saying and meaning, 'I don't know.' It means standing there with our hands empty for a while, sometimes watching everything we wanted disappear; our self image, our definition of who we thought we should be, the clones we've created of ourselves, the people we thought we had to have, the things we thought were so important to collect and surround ourselves with, the job we were certain was ours, the place we thought we'd live in all our lives. . . Surrender control to the supreme wisdom and authority of God and to the Divine in your soul. Step into the void with courage. Learn to say, I don't know. That's not blind faith. It's pure faith that will allow God and your spirit to lead you wherever your soul wants and needs to go.

Melody Beattie, "Finding Your Way Home"

Going home means getting comfortable being who you are and who your soul really wants to be. There is no strain with that. The strain and tension come when we're not being who our soul wants to be and we're someplace where our soul doesn't feel at home.

Melody Beattie, "Finding Your Way Home"

Your body is free but your heart is in prison. To release your heart, you simply reverse the process which locked it up. First you begin to listen for messages from your heart—messages you may have been ignoring since childhood. Next you must take the daring, risky step of expressing your heart in the outside world. . . . As you learn to live by heart, every choice you make will become another way of telling your story. . . . It is the way you were meant to exist. If you stop to listen, you’ll realize that your heart has been telling you so all along.

Martha Beck, "Finding Your Own North Star"

* A Few More Updates

Fireplace is taking shape.  Love the arch.

Terrace and trim around the windows and doors is being painted.

That black 'thing' you see on my roof is the water tank.

So much plaster dust you can't see the driveway brick.

Can't wait to see the yard cleaned up.  It will be a while as they are digging in the 500 gallon cistern as far as they can.  Then we are building a terrace over top.

I'm going to enjoy this view with my morning coffee.

The plastering is finished on the outside wall.  

"Is it time to go Home yet?  I keep clicking these damn shoes, but nothing happens."  ~ Robin Hecht

 Patience, Donna. Everything in its own time.  ..... now I'm talking to myself!  On a blog!  Ah well, whatever it takes. xx nite nite

* First House Guest

Most days I walk over to Quinta de Luz.  It was a beautiful morning this am.  Sylvia usually comes with me.  Today we went with a view to really looking at walls and spaces where I want shelves, storage etc.

While in the bathroom discussing the storage situation there, Sylvia gasped and jumped back behind the door.  "What's the matter?", I whispered.  "A scorpion." she exclaimed.  I turned to glance at her.  She was clasping her hands tightly together under her chin, looking quite horrified.  I personally had never seen one, but had heard of them and knew of course they were dangerous.   I acted more on impulse than anything else and said quickly, before I could think, "I'll get it!"  I grabbed my notebook and approached the little creature on the wall slowly and with respect.  Lifting my book to just the right height (I knew I would not have a second chance) I hit the poor little thing quick and hard, smashing it into the wall.  My book fell to the floor.  The scorpion remained on the wall, ever so flattened!  We looked at each other, relieved!  Sylvia giggled.  "Your first house guest!"

We were proud!  We had saved ourselves from a dangerous predator.   We were safe and sound.  We took photos for posterity.

Alive and Well.

Dead and flatter than a pancake with Happy Hunter.

We continued our rounds.  Delighted and full of ideas, our measuring tape and note book in hand, chatting and enjoying our time together.  Later, while walking by the now flat and very dead scorpion, I ventured closer to have an up close and personal examination of this little creature I had never seen before.  "Wow, Sylvia ... he's really very beautiful!  Come over and have a look.  Look how beautifully he is made."  I drew even closer for microscopic examination.  "It almost looks like he is made of spun gold."  Suddenly we both burst into a roar of laughter!  "He's made of thin copper electrical wire!", I exclaimed.  We had both realized it at the same time.  The builders had sculpted the form and stuck it into the plaster.  That's why he didn't fall from the wall when I 'killed' him!  I hadn't been a murderer after all.  The joke was on us.  I am actually very flattered 'my men' would take the time to frighten and delight me.  I was overjoyed Sylvia was with me to share their little prank.  So great to have people to share things with.  So great to have people who want to tease me.  How blessed I am.  However, now it's my turn.  I'm not sure yet what it's going to be ... but I will get them for this!  Anyone got any good ideas???????

"I'm extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end."  ~  Margaret Thatcher

* Looking back ...

Victoria seems so far away from this place.  The last month is only a remanent in the bin of life's fabric.  It was all so overwhelming and has now faded into the dusky past of half remembered dreams.  It's time to move forward again.

I want to thank my dear friend, Diane.  As I have said before on this blog, we are Sisters of Spirit, and without our 'healing conversations' would be back in a therapists office.  We allow each other to say whatever is inside ... nothing ever builds up.  Amazing.  Very very  .... well, just 'very'.

Diane has a small space.  One bedroom.  Diane covets her privacy and her alone time.  I arrived!  Chaos arrived with me and accompanied me for the entire duration of the journey. Bedlam, clutter, disarray, and disorder spread to every square inch of the apartment.   What saves us under trying circumstances?  We are able to talk.  We are both able to make our feelings known in a gentle and clear way.  We are open with each other.  Nothing is left unsaid and no one takes it personally.

We actually adjusted to the situation with great grace and aplomb!  Every morning we enjoyed our two cups of very strong coffee together.  Diane from her chair, me from my very comfortable bed on the floor.  It became a ritual we both enjoyed.  Each day was busy, sometimes annoying, sometimes incredibly laughable.  Diane had her work and I had mine.  There were days when Diane's help saved me and day's when she could not come near because she was physically and mentally 'done'!   Sometimes nothing went right.  Sometimes we both had brain fog and couldn't complete a sentence.  Then it was happy hour.  Champagne!  That too became a ritual.  Two glasses of champagne every evening while we spouted off again.  Coffee together and Champagne together.  Who knew it could save a long and dear friendship!

I want to say thank you, my treasured friend.  You are such a dear part of the sweetness of my life.  Thank you for all you have given.  Thank you for being my friend.  It is such an honour to have you in my life.

Oh Dear Goddess!  Give me S T R E N G T H!!!

 

And they took another load away ...

and brought it back ...

to the apartment ....

where, in a blur and with brain fog, I attempted to sort it into ...

boxes for shipping.  The next morning ....

we would start all over again.  And so it went ... and went ... and went.   Thanks Di!!! xx

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

* Sort of slowing down ...

It's been such a wonderful day.  I'm feeling like the little sculpture above.  I have taken a giant leap of faith and everything has turned out just as it should be.   Sylvia has given me such a 'soft place to fall'.  I have been thinking, and I believe this must have been pre-programmed as well.  When I think of going to my little Quinta de Luz in the middle of the night, alone with Habibi, nothing but a bed I wonder if it may have been difficult and felt very strange.  Although I was so excited to do just that, now when I ponder what it might have been like, being with the lovely Sylvia is such a gift and has given me time to adjust to de Luz, have the finishing touches done, have shelving built so I can unpack, buy a wardrobe so I can hang up my cloths.  All these wonderful things can almost be in place, instead of stumbling into a cold, dark, strange place in the dead of night.  Such warmth, hospitality and support.  Thank you, Sylvia.

This morning I went to Centro to do a few little errands.  First stop, Juans' Cafe, "Etc." for a huge cup of cappuccino.  While reading the paper and enjoying the beautiful morning sunshine under an umbrella a woman came in and asked if she could join me.  Naturally, I said "Of course, this is San Miguel."  She is an artist who teaches encaustics.  Fate has stepped in again.  I was just discussing this with my friend in Alberta while I was in Canada.  She is taking an encaustics class at U of A.  It sounded fabulous and had always interested me.  I was looking for a teacher.  We spent a wonderful hour chatting and getting acquainted while Juan ground two kinds of coffee beans for me and mixed them together.  On my way out the door I bumped into another woman artist whom they are including in a book about the Artists of San Miguel.  All in all, the magic is back ... I can feel it .. I can taste it ... all is well in my world!  Big breath .... AHHhhhh!

Wandered over to the artisans market to look for a gift for another friend who is having a "Fiesta", house warming tomorrow.  As she now has balconies and is hunting down plants I chose two brightly coloured telavera planters for the wall.  I hope they are pleasing to her.  There will be more about the Fiesta tomorrow.  I'm ready for a party!

Sauntered home after lunch, tended to some business regarding the house and took the rest of the day off.  It felt good to 'just be'.  I'm trying, Ivan and Kathleen!  I have visions of you on 'our' terrace at Aparacio.  Getting better, pocco a pocco.  : o )

This evening we dined on the terrace outdoors.  Had fresh shrimp stir fry on rice.  Sylvia has a stash of 90% dark chocolate which we consume slowly, in small bits for dessert.  It is amazingly wonderful, satisfying and does not leave you craving more as there is hardly any sugar in it.  Made by Lindt.  Try some.

In my room at Sylvias, there is a lovely old painting.  While admiring it today, I realized it is painted from a vantage point very close to this house.  I will leave you with the 'old' San Miguel.  

When researching quotes on "Finding ones' place of belonging" tonight, I fell upon this one.  It is exactly the way I feel at this very moment in my life.

I've left Bethlehem
and I feel free...
I've left the girl I was supposed to be
and some day I'll be born.
~Paula Cole