* Falling In Love Again

At this very moment, I'm sitting in Casa Sierra Nevada.  This day, from the moment I awoke, has exuded bliss.  The garden, by which I am surrounded and thus cannot escape my gaze is rich, lush and inviting.  Butterflies and birds caress the trees and flowers.  It is a serene place. I am filled with peace and contentment.  My heart is smiling and filled with a joy which allows me to feel an expansion and deep connection with this incredible country.  Simply put, I'm falling in love again.

It simply does not get any better than this.  I've spent the morning having my hair tended to.  (That feels better!)  Just prior to this momentito, I was poking around in "Casa y Campo", (a very high end antique and upholstery shop) digging for remnants.  Designs for cushions float through my head as we speak.  I did find some nice pieces.  Venturing into Casa y Campo several times before, I have been tending to my relationship with the owner and enjoying getting to know him a little better.  Atmosphere in the shop itself would never allow me to dig in the remnant closet itself.  Simply put, I have a discussion with the owner, he disappears, and comes back from his hidden stash with 'suggestions'.  I don't do well with this approach, however, in Mexico, one must take ones time with a more 'direct approach'.  The shops owner was once an employee of Juan Carlos, my architecto, so we do have something in common.

Today, wearing my best Canadian charm and smile, I put it right out there.  "May I dig in your closet?" "Of course, Senora.", a big smile appearing on his face.

And so it was I hobbled up the colonial stairs, stepping into a closet full of the most extravagant, sensuous fabric and textiles, with a very handsome, dare I say young, Mexican man.  How much better can creating cushions get.

It's going to rain.  The air is sultry and sensual and it stirs me as I fill my lungs.  Spanish music drips from my eyebrows.  I sip my wine and know, this is a moment in time which will never return.  While I marinate in that thought, a yellow and black butterfly stops for the elixir of life at a voluptuous pink flower.  I can almost hear the growth of the jardin.  The arches in the courtyard speak to me of ethereal energy still circulating after hundreds of years.  It permeates the hardness of my bones and seeps into my spirit.  The old fountain beside me shares her secrets and smooths any rough edges I may have been wearing when I entered this building.

Guests are arriving for comida.  Friends, drinks, food, conversation, laughter.  The sounds of relaxation and enjoyment.

Two glasses of wine with lunch at this altitude may have been a questionable decision, however, my heart explodes with beauty and happiness as we speak so how can it be a question of any consideration.

The Spanish language and music cradle me and lulls me into a meditative state.  Why did I  not want to live at times during my life?  Did I absolutely have to BE there to BE here?  The fountain beside me gently whispers "Yes.".   I do now have a deep understanding and knowing she is absolutely right.

I gaze at women, older women, who still have a shape.  I look in Vogue Magazine at young woman who alas have no shape.  Like chopsticks from a Chinese restaurant, they love their wooden like limbs.  (I'm snapped!)

The waiter is bringing me chocolate moose.  I hope it doesn't have horns or a baby.  I'm passed horns and a baby.  Well, perhaps not the 'horns'.  (I think that's a joke).  Are you keeping up with me here.  I really am sitting at my table, simply rambling onto the pages of my journal.

Light and shadow are everywhere.  In the trees, in the sky, in us.  Amazing.  The beauty of it. The mystery of it.  The dichotomy of it.  Observing how light and shadow shifts and shapes the next seconds of time.

Laughter from the next table reaches my hearing and my awareness.  Comforting.  More of that needed.  Jade plants flourishing here.  Reminding me of my Mama.  Strong and free and claiming their space.  I wonder if she knew that?

Tourists arriving into this Casa, greeting me as they pass, beaming with light and a sense of adventure.  Life is good.  I feel full.  How apt.  A bird in the tree sings from her heart.  How apt.  Would that we were able to sing our song at a moments notice.  Why must we prepare?  Are we not prepared when we arrive?  Why would any one want to step on that music and shut it down?  Why?  Why?  Why?

The older I become truly the more I do not understand.  Ponder, ponder ....   I require stimulation.  It is essential for me to write.  I have an urgency to paint.  I long to create - just about anything.  I must simply allow the process.  To be ALIVE.  Every moment, every day.  The shear excitement of the journey, the next step, the next shiver, the next chance meeting, the next lesson, the next challenge, the next gift, the next surprise.  Why would I ever have wanted to leave this place of adventure and creation.  This opportunity.  This earth school.  Art and creating.  It came with me at my time of birth.  Clouds descended and I could no longer see the sun.  'Best intention' conditioning came from my family of choice.  "Love your life as I want you to love it."  I succumbed.  I drown beneath the weight.  Murky waters of others intentions buried my dreams.  How malleable I am in this earth school.  How ready I was to please the parents I chose for good reason - an education.  And later, to awake, to accompany my soul to the end of this short journey.  To discover the longing, to glean the wisdom of the path.  Why am I here?  To learn, to glean, to take baby steps to become more and more and more.  Simply to BE.  To have some minuscule understanding - a humble ray of enlightenment, a paltry knowing in my heart all is right with the universe.  Everything is absolutely as it should be.  And so it is!

Four leaf clovers.  They cover the earth.

Perhaps you would care to join me?

"People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
 ~  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross