* A Cool Gray Morning - Pondering the Agreements

It's still early.  The sun could burn all this gray away.  There is high cloud, the birds are twittering in the trees, roosters are crowing in the neighbourhood and of course, dogs are barking.  The air is cool and soft.  It holds some humidity from yesterdays rain.  Standing on the terrace, the soft air around me, the birds singing their different songs ... it's a delicious morning.

I've been pondering again.  Thinking over what I have learned on the path.  Thinking over if I indeed am being true to myself.  About ten years ago I read The Four Agreements,  Don Miguel Ruiz's four simple rules that were to change my life forever.  It all seemed so doable.  They were written in a very clear, simple manner.  All I had to do was put them into practice.  HA!  As I went through some of my old journals the other day, I happened upon a list I had written in 1998.  They were parts of me I was hell bent on changing.  The list included the four agreements.  It was a wonderful reminder.  Reading the list brought me back to centre; to what's really important to my soul.  To what my life is all about, what my values are and what my moral fiber contains.  I will share the agreements with you.  I thought about each one and how they had affected my life over the last twelve years.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

I can honestly say I am consciously speaking with integrity.  There are no more little white lies in my life, or the occasional big one either.  It's a challenging agreement to master.  Seems so simple, all the agreements do .... they are not.  Practicing them, however has changed my life.  I am what I like to call 'clear' now.  I consider it gentle honesty.  I would say I am very conscious of what comes out of my mouth and expresses into words.  I do strive to speak my truth.  I find I am no longer able to 'keep' issues inside of me.  I tend to speak regardless of the consequences.  It is a need I have in order to stay healthy.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

This agreement was not so difficult for me.  I never did take much personally.  My parents were my biggest challenge because I was always striving to please.  That took work.  I'm not sure Mamma and I ever worked it out.  Before Papa passed away we had worked it out.  We were on equal ground.  Huge in my life and a gift for me.  Consciously now, I am able to step back and observe.  In most cases It is not my stuff, so why would I take it personally.  If it is 'my stuff' I try using communication to solve the issues.  

3. Don’t Make Assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

I must say I did assume a lot in my life time.  I learned I was usually wrong.  I learned to speak up and clear the air before it got black with mold, and people could no longer breath.  I learned to communicate quickly to make sure I understood.  I learned to speak my truth so others would not assume.  This is a challenge, because not everyone wants to hear my truth ... lol.

4. Always Do Your Best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

This was another difficult one for me.  I was so used to berating myself, judging myself, calling myself terrible names.  I was never good enough, kind enough, happy enough, perfect enough .... you name it, I was never enough.  The self-judgment, self-verbal abuse, guilt and regret I carried in my heart nearly killed me.  I survived.  I've moved forward.  I'm doing 'the work'.  The self-judgment has lessened, my critic is pretty quiet now, verbal abuse has stopped, and I carry absolutely no guilt or regret.  When those last two heavy heavy emotions left my body I thought I was going to fly.  I could not have let those things go without therapy.  You have no idea how grateful I am.

I read not long ago, Don Miguel Ruiz had written a fifth agreement.  I was curious and looked it up.  It is as follows: 

5. Be Skeptical, But Learn to Listen – Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.

This is huge for me.  An awakening and something I do have to work on and am working on.  I have been trying to listen to my 'higher self', my 'gut', for years.  It comes naturally to me.  I think this is what he is speaking about.  I am beginning to pay closer attention.  Lately I have fallen off a couple of pretty high cliffs which have caused permanent damage to my bank account.  I ask myself, "What did I miss?"  "Were there red flags?"  "Did I not want to see them?"   Overall, I know if I pay attention to my intuition it is always right - so why didn't I see it this time?  Why didn't I feel it?  Or .... did I?  Did I just ignore it?  Still big questions for me.  

I like this Fifth Agreement.  It's about awareness.  It's about being awake, totally present and conscious.  There are times I take things literally,  however 99% of the time I am a sensate.  I am still learning so much about myself.  Still learning to tweek the fine details.  Interesting work.

Don Miguel Ruiz: For nearly three decades, Don Miguel Ruiz has shared his unique blend of ancient wisdom and modern-day awareness through lectures, workshops, and journeys to sacred sites around the world. Sales of his books have soared to more than seven million copies in the United States alone, and have been translated into more than 30 languages worldwide. Visit www.miguelruiz.com. 

"The only real valuable thing is intuition."  ~ Albert Einstein

I find Albert such an interesting guy.  A scientist to believed in so many things which could never be proven.